My First Blog Post Here
22. April 2023
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We try to respect outsiders respectful and count on reciprocity. But sometimes we forget that the life satellite deserves the same appeal. However, a happy marriage is impossible without respect, the James Bauer consultant recalls.
“She does not respect me, why on earth
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should I respect her?” – Dillon moves forward, waiting for my support. But then Jail interferes, indignantly shrugging: “I would respect him if he behaved like a man, and not like a teenager”. In response, Dillon eloquently glances at his wife: “You see that you have to endure?”
I already know: it is worth keeping silent how these two will begin the same endless bike: “He is mocking me! She does not put me in anything!”
A distinct picture arises in front of me: another couple sitting on the same sofa where Dillon and Jail are now swearing. At first glance, there is nothing in common between them. Honi was a rather bright personality, and her husband walked on a string. “He will not even dare to treat me disrespectful,” she said arrogantly.
The man who was sitting nearby did not say a word, but I noticed how his stooped shoulders were tense. Perhaps Honi managed to achieve respect on his part, but it seemed to me that resentment and hostility were hiding behind this humility.
Mutual respect is the problem of many couples. And this is no coincidence: without it there is no love. Moreover, some psychologists are seriously confident that respect is much more important. You can love a person who you respect deeply. But the complete lack of respect undermines the basis of any relationship.
It is usually understood that someone is admiration. We are highly opinion about these people. This does not mean that we idealize them: sometimes they are mistaken and say nonsense. But minor flaws do not prevent us from seeing their bright sides.
In many spiritual traditions, all living creatures are revered. That is, in a broad sense, it is not at all necessary to love to respect. We choose to treat everyone respectfully, regardless of personal perception. It seems that it is precisely such a point of view that you must adhere to the relationship.
Dillon and Jail believed that respect should be earned, but one cannot respect someone just like that. I tried to explain to them that everything is like in love: it is best when it is mutual, familiar and, if possible, unconditional. If you stopped respecting each other, stop arguing about it. Talk about it.
1. Respect should be mutual
You are together because you love each other. If only one fell in love, the second remained indifferent, there would be no relationship. The feeling must be mutual. Sincerely, just the same. If you respect him, and he neglects you, this is not a healthy relationship, but the struggle for power. Over time, she will concentrate in the hands of the one who refuses to respect the partner.
Honi thought that everything was safe for her, because her husband did not dare to argue with her, but it never occurred to her to ask how he felt at the same time. Respect can only be mutual.
2. Respect should be familiar
People who marry in complete confidence that they will love each other until the end of the century, will be severely disappointed. Love is not eternal, it comes and leaves. Strong couples quickly understand that it is impossible to rely on ephemeral passion all their lives. They learn to treat each other with love, even at those moments when they do not feel. Sincerely, just the same.
Admiration for a partner, that is, then no. Today you consider him unsurpassed, and tomorrow you are guessing how you have managed to contact him. This is fine. You are not obliged to experience respect for him every day and before the end of the century. Just behave respectfully. Respect, like love, is a habit.
3. It is important to strive for unconditional respect
In most cases, love depends on conventions. They do not like anyone regardless of anything. We love people for corresponding to our expectations. Therefore, the love of mother and child is so beautiful. She is unconditional in her best manifestation. Parents do not stop loving children, even if they upset them.
It would be wonderful if the same selfless attachment remained between the partners. But this happens far from always. Will not be able to love the one who constantly fails, deceives or changes. Everything has a limit. Sincerely, just the same.
Respect is never absolutely unconditional. If he deceives, you will most likely stop respecting him, and you will be right. But most men are not liars or changeables. They are quite normal guys and try to keep the brand, they simply do not even know the measure.
Respect – an indispensable condition for love. It is wrong to give it to a reward for good behavior. Neither respect nor love can be refused. It is smarter to say bluntly: “Even if you act in your own way, I will still try to respect you because I love”. The main thing is that the partner is also ready to give such a promise.
